


Do You Want to Have Sex in That Cupboard?

by Fronk1ee



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25693651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fronk1ee/pseuds/Fronk1ee
Summary: The first episode of an alternative season 4. It's in screenplay format cuz I do what I do.Feedback appreciated!And here's my actual grown-up real-life website: www.frankielewis.co.uk
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	Do You Want to Have Sex in That Cupboard?

EXT. INDUSTRIAL ESTATE. NIGHT.

LONDON

A FIGURE all in black, their face hidden under a balaclava, is freerunning.

Their ankles are loose and adaptive as their feet, in skating trainers, connect with and run along an iron bar.

The rooftops are unfinished, under construction, and the various surfaces have the figure leaping and jumping between different levels.

Their breath is measured, even and focused, hitching delicately with every new surface.

Their clothes are bulky, like they're concealing heavy items.

A VOICE crackling in their ear makes anxious commentary.

VOICE  
Faster. You're behind Hannah's record by two minutes.

The figure exhales, frustrated.

They swing across a gap between rooftops, their hands around a lamppost.

They pick up speed over a wide, flat roof, building momentum for an upcoming leap.

The voice messes with their flow.

VOICE  
Careful. Careful. Be careful.  
Approaching the leap, the figure stumbles, and stops.

Alone on the wide roof, under the vast sky, they throw up their arms.

They retreat, to build the run-up again.

VOICE  
What are you doing? You need to go faster, Vasilieva.

IRINA  
Ugh!

She pulls out the earpiece. It dangles on her shoulder.

Irina pulls up her balaclava.

She breathes.

She studies the gap. Focuses on the concrete wall on the other side.

The voice buzzes inaudibly at her shoulder.

She runs.

Her feet separate from the wall with amazing dexterity.

Soaring through the air, focusing on the next wall, her arc dips sooner than expected.

The top of the wall is rising out of view.

She isn't going to make it.

Two fingers connect with the top of the wall, Irina's arm stretched to its limit.

The instant her feet hit the vertical concrete, she's running, on the tips of her skate shoes, pulling herself up by her arms.

And she's over.

Irina's on the next roof.

She looks back, and pats herself down to check she hasn't lost anything.

She laughs, breathless.

IRINA  
Holy shit.

The earpiece is still buzzing.

Rolling her eyes, she pops the device back into her ear.

VOICE  
-haven't got time for this. The target won't be alone much longer.

Irina turns.

There's a door in the centre of the roof.

She goes to it.

INT. WAREHOUSE. DAY.

Climbing down a wire staircase, Irina has a full view.

There is one man in the wide, grey room, sitting on a crate.

He's scrolling through his phone.

He's bored.

He looks up at the big door, waiting for someone.

MAN  
Come on, lads. I haven't got all day.

Irina pulls out a sniper rifle from inside her jacket.

IRINA  
(whispering)  
No, you haven't.

The guy spins around. Irina jumps back into the shadows.

IRINA  
(mouthing)  
Shit.

The door slides open, and in swagger five more MEN in suits.

MAN  
Finally. We ready, then, or what?

ANOTHER MAN  
Alright, calm down.

VOICE  
Why aren't you moving? It's 10:53, Irina, come on.

IRINA  
Oh, shut up.

She pulls out the earpiece.

She looks up the stairway, at the door, and thinks.

Deciding, she unzips her jacket, revealing a whole arsenal of weapons- knives, handguns, a machete.

She takes a breath, raises the rifle, and steps forward.

EXT. WAREHOUSE. DAY.

Leaning against a police car, a POLICE OFFICER is handing money to a YOUNG GUY in exchange for a modest bag of marijuana.

They both hear the explosion of shouts and gunshots from a warehouse a few buildings over.

POLICE OFFICER  
Cheers.

The officer gets on the radio, and runs toward the sound.

POLICE OFFICER  
Sarge. Requesting ARV at location. Multiple gunshots. Sounds automatic. Sounds like chaos.

INT. WAREHOUSE. DAY.

Her face covered in blood spatters, Irina is giving it the full Pacino.

EXT. WOODLAND. DAY.

VILLANELLE is on the ground, tucked into the lower branches of a snow-covered tree.

She is peering along the flightgroove of a handmade crossbow.

Aiming at an innocent-looking bunny rabbit.

It sniffs the air, and nibbles at a forget-me-not poking through the snow.

Villanelle breathes. Presses on the trigger.

She can't do it.

VILLANELLE  
Damn you.

She chucks the crossbow aside.

The bunny is startled by the impact, and scarpers.

She waves it goodbye.

EXT. WOODLAND LAKE. DAY.

Trudging through the sticks and snow, Villanelle halts.

She looks down, towards the lake.

There's a bear. In the water.

VILLANELLE  
Woah.

She stares at it.

It's fishing, swiping at the surface of the water with its claws out and its mouth open for the catch.

VILLANELLE  
Huh.

She looks closer. There's a baby bear, waiting by the edge of the water. Playing.

Villanelle smiles in admiration at the mama bear.

A scuffling behind her. She turns.

There's the rabbit. Just, sitting there.

She looks into its big black eye as she raises the crossbow.

EXT. LOG CABIN IN THE WOODS. DAY.

Villanelle walks, the rabbit swinging at her side.

The cabin is small, and welcoming. The pink curtains are drawn and there's smoke floating out of the chimney.

INT. LOG CABIN. DAY.

EVE is reclining in a copper bathtub by the lit fireplace, a mask over her eyes.

She's smiling, dreaming.

Her hands float in the water, touched by wildflowers.

There's a pot of water boiling over the fire.

Eve lifts the eyemask, and her eyes hold the relaxing darkness of her dreams. She looks into space.

Villanelle enters the cabin through the front door.

She drops the rabbit and the crossbow by a row of earth-filled crates, one with carrot tops poking out in rows.

VILLANELLE  
Whoo, it's warm in here.

She goes to Eve's bath. Pulls up a tiny wooden stool.

EVE  
Hi.

VILLANELLE  
Hi.

Villanelle leans on her crossed arms on the side of the tub.

She pushes a flower around in the water.

Eve watches her.

They're so peaceful.

Villanelle reaches around, takes a dishcloth and removes the water pot from its hook.

VILLANELLE  
I saw a bear.

EVE  
Ooh, scary.

VILLANELLE  
I could have died. You would have found my body ripped apart in the woods. That's if there was anything left after it feasted on my flesh.

She pours the water into Eve's bath.

EVE  
Mm. Thank you.

Villanelle slips and drops the bucket into the water.

EVE  
Ah! Ahaha. Ouch.

VILLANELLE  
(removing the pot)  
Sorry.

Eve sits up. Touches Villanelle's face.

They kiss.

VILLANELLE  
I'm going to make dinner.

EVE  
(pouting)  
No, get in.

Villanelle laughs. She's already walking back to the rabbit.

VILLANELLE  
I'm hungry, aren't you hungry?

EVE  
Hey.

VILLANELLE  
Yeah?

EVE  
You could take a bear.

Villanelle smiles.

She pulls out a couple of carrots, digs her hand into another crate and pulls out a potato.

Eve ducks her head under the water.

INT. CABIN- MAKESHIFT KITCHEN. DAY.

The 'kitchen' is a couple of haphazard wooden platforms with some pans hanging on the wall, and a travel stove.

Villanelle plonks the rabbit on the surface.

She looks into its eye. Picks up a knife. Braces herself.

She turns away, to a box behind her. Lifts the lid.

It's filled with snow, with some bottles of milk and stacked packs of butter, a couple of tubs of branded ice cream. And three bottles of champagne.

She leans close into its coolness.

EVE  
Can I do anything?

Eve's tying up the ribbon of a floaty silk dressing gown.

VILLANELLE  
Uh, yeah, you can skin that.

She gestures to the rabbit.

EVE  
On it.

Without even considering, Eve picks up the knife and deftly, firmly, swipes along the length of the bunny's underside.

Villanelle watches her, appalled. Aroused.

Eve yanks out the rabbit's entrails. Dumps them in the bin.

She turns to Villanelle.

EVE  
What?

INT. LOG CABIN. NIGHT.

The room is lit by candles.

Their empty plates next to them on the bed, Eve and Villanelle sit cross-legged, facing each other, with their eyes closed. Zen.

Villanelle opens her eyes.

VILLANELLE  
Octopus.

EVE  
Yes! Squid.

They celebrate.

EVE  
My turn.

They close their eyes again.

They breathe.

The air is clean and cosmic.

VILLANELLE  
Okay.

Eve frowns.

EVE  
I'm not-

Villanelle focuses harder.

EVE  
Jukebox!

VILLANELLE  
What? No.

EVE  
Was I close?

VILLANELLE  
Nowhere near.

EVE  
Oh. Hammer.

VILLANELLE  
Yes, I'm thinking about hammering your face in.

EVE  
(excited)  
Really?

VILLANELLE  
No, of course not.

Eve focuses on receiving the image through her third eye.

Villanelle opens her eyes and watches her. Eve's concentration is adorable.

VILLANELLE  
It's-

EVE  
-no! Don't tell me.

VILLANELLE  
Eve, if you want to know what I'm thinking, you can just ask.

Eve gives up.

EVE  
What are you thinking?

Villanelle sends Eve a message through her open eyes.

EVE  
Oh.

Eve tips forward onto her knees and crawls across the space between them, taking a seat on Villanelle's lap.

VILLANELLE  
See? Easy.

The tempo rises and their lips almost meet, hands sweeping aside the thin silk garments that separate them.

It's all very Kama Sutra.

Then there's a knock at the door.

Eve clutches Villanelle's shoulder.

EVE  
Oh my god, is that the door?

They wait, horrified, in the silence.

Three firm, patient knocks.

VILLANELLE  
Go away!

Eve puts a hand over Villanelle's mouth.

EVE  
Ssh.

CAROLYN  
(from outside)  
Let me in, it's freezing.

INT. LOG CABIN.

Eve switches the light on and opens the door to CAROLYN, who steps straight into their sparse log cabin.

CAROLYN  
Sorry to interrupt the honeymoon, but I've some rather devastating news.

EVE  
How did you-

Carolyn has walked over to a round dining table and plonked down a stack of black folders.

CAROLYN  
I hate to tell you this, but Alaska is hardly the unguessable ends of the Earth.

ALASKA

DUH

VILLANELLE  
Isn't it?

Carolyn looks at Villanelle, barely bothering to cover herself up as she languishes on her and Eve's bed.

CAROLYN  
Do put some clothes on, Eve. You've got some rather nasty-looking bruises.

VILLANELLE  
They're lovebites. I'm getting pretty good at them.

Eve has passed Villanelle with an attentive, but rousing, pat on the shoulder, and gone to a window. She kicks a path through clothes and cups and plates and pulls a thick blanket off the window.

EVE  
I'll let some light in.

When she opens the curtain, it's onto a pitch black night.

She looks at Villanelle, shocked.

CAROLYN  
It's 9pm.

EVE  
Sure. Yeah. I-

Villanelle laughs.

EVE  
(under her breath)  
Will you please get up?

CAROLYN  
I'd stay seated, if I were you. Or, languished, as you are.

VILLANELLE  
What are you going to shock us with?

CAROLYN  
Irina Konstantinova Vasilieva.

Eve has walked back to the table. Villanelle comes to stand beside her.

VILLANELLE  
She isn't with Konstantin?

CAROLYN  
Decidedly not.

Carolyn opens the top folder, straight onto a double spread of the violent aftermath of Irina's debut mass murder.

EVE  
Wow.

VILLANELLE  
What a mess.

EVE  
What does this have to do with Irina?

Carolyn looks at her plainly.

EVE  
No.

VILLANELLE  
Ha!

They look closer at the image.

EVE  
(to Villanelle)  
Six bodies.

CAROLYN  
All of them adult males.

VILLANELLE  
(to Eve)  
That neck wound? That was a machete.

Eve shudders. She looks closer.

VILLANELLE  
How do you know this was Irina?

Eve looks up.

CAROLYN  
Because she was immediately caught and arrested.

Beat.

Eve closes the folder.

EVE  
And why are you telling us?

Villanelle folds her arms.

CAROLYN  
With Irina in British custody, it's only a matter of time before The Twelve come to collect her.

EVE  
And after a blunder like that-

CAROLYN  
-I don't think they'll kill her off. I think they want her. And for good reason.

VILLANELLE  
Pfft. What reason?

CAROLYN  
If it was this easy for me to locate your little sex hovel, why do you suppose The Twelve haven't sent anyone to take you out?

EVE  
Because there's nobody who can.

VILLANELLE  
Oh. Thanks, gang. But what about Helene?

CAROLYN  
I beg your pardon?

VILLANELLE  
Helene. You know her.

EVE  
I-

CAROLYN  
-I'm not sure what you've been led to believe, but Helene hasn't handled a weapon since she gave birth to her first child.

Villanelle and Carolyn both laugh.

Eve does not.

EVE  
Carolyn, I still don't understand what you're asking us to do.

CAROLYN  
Come back to London with me and convince Irina to stay.

VILLANELLE  
She won't listen to us.

CAROLYN  
She might.

VILLANELLE  
No, she won't.

CAROLYN  
She might.

EVE  
Carolyn. She clearly really enjoys killing people.

Villanelle nods.

EVE  
She's not going to leave The Twelve just because Vill-

Carolyn looks at her hands, deflecting.

EVE  
Oh.

Eve snorts in disgust and turns away.

She begins making the bed.

VILLANELLE  
You want her to kill for MI6.

CAROLYN  
Not necessarily. We just don't want her killing for The Twelve.

EVE  
And there's a job going, if she wants it.

VILLANELLE  
You're no better than they are.

CAROLYN  
Define 'better'.

Eve dumps the duvet down.

EVE  
Get out.

CAROLYN  
Listen. It is in your interests to help nautralise this situation. You can't just skulk off into the night and hope it all goes away.

Villanelle considers.

CAROLYN  
Do you want to keep this lovely life you've created for yourselves?

Eve and Villanelle look around the sketchy cabin.

They look at each other.

VILLANELLE  
We'll do it.

Eve drops into the bed head-first, screaming into the duvet mound.

VILLANELLE  
We'll do it.

CAROLYN  
Good. I'll be outside. The smell in here is appalling.

INT. PLANE. NIGHT.

Eve watches Alaska wrenched away as their plane climbs.

The seatbelt sign pings off.

Villanelle is trying to get a good look at something on her bicep.

She shows it to Eve.

VILLANELLE  
What's this?

Eve investigates it tenderly.

EVE  
Just a bug bite.

She kisses it and turns back to the window.

VILLANELLE  
Why does it have this-

She sees how sad Eve is.

VILLANELLE  
Eve. Do you want to join the Mile High Club?

EVE  
I hate this.

VILLANELLE  
I know. We can do it in twenty minutes, in and out, and back to Alaska. We were running out of money annyway. It's a good thing we're indispensable at MI6, huh?

EVE  
We can't go back to Alaska.

VILLANELLE  
Fine. Siberia.

CAROLYN  
Siberia's nice.

Villanelle leans back to reveal Carolyn, massaging her hands with moisturiser and unzipping her First Class complimentary pouch.

CAROLYN  
Iran, perhaps? And I wouldn't try the toilet. Not enough room in them these days.

Awkward.

EVE  
What happens after we speak with Irina? We get her working for you, and then what?

CAROLYN  
I'd have to leave that up to your sense of moral and ethical responsibility.

VILLANELLE  
(opening nuts)  
What?

CAROLYN  
You, in a sense, made her. Didn't you?

EVE  
So you want Villanelle to, what, adopt Irina?

CAROLYN  
I wouldn't put it quite like that.

Carolyn and Villanelle share a mocking glance.

EVE  
So, what?

CAROLYN  
Well, to put it into perspective, Villanelle; suppose Irina does go back to The Twelve. Who would take care of her then? Dasha?

Villanelle is thinking it. Eve says it:

EVE  
Dasha is dead.

CAROLYN  
Oh. Girls. You are out of the loop.

She pulls down her eyemask and pops in earplugs.

EXT. HEATHROW. DAY.

LONDON HEATHROW

The plane comes in to land.

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION CELL.

Irina is sitting alone at the metal table.

Villanelle walks in.

IRINA  
What the Hell are you doing here?

VILLANELLE  
Think of it as a really high-budget Scared Straight programme.

IRINA  
Ugh.

VILLANELLE  
Where is your dad?

IRINA  
I don't know, okay? We don't hang out anymore.

VILLANELLE  
"We don't hang out anymore." Do you hear yourself?

IRINA  
Leave me alone!

Villanelle puts a hand on the door.

VILLANELLE  
Okay. I did my job. Goodbye.

IRINA  
You're trying to get me to defect to MI6 and I won't do it.

VILLANELLE  
(taking a seat)  
You're going to be in a lot of trouble, Irina. They once sent me this guy, Raymond. Real sociopath.

IRINA  
You're a sociopath!

VILLANELLE  
Actually, I'm a psychopath. And, obviously, so are you.

IRINA  
I'm not a psychopath, I'm just very, very, very angry.

VILLANELLE  
Because the world doesn't appreciate how you think?

IRINA  
No. Because you are annoying me.

VILLANELLE  
Okay. Well. You're a lost cause. I can't help you. Bye!

She gets up and leaves the room.

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION ANTECHAMBER.

Carolyn, Eve and the TECHNICIAN are waiting on the other side of the mirror.

VILLANELLE  
What?

EVE  
Okay, she tried, we're done, let's go.

They're almost at the door.

CAROLYN  
Sure. Thanks, girls, and good luck on your own with Dasha.  
Eve and Villanelle look at each other.

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION CELL.

VILLANELLE  
Come and work for MI6!

IRINA  
No!

VILLANELLE  
You are going to get me killed.

IRINA  
Good.  
INT. MI6 INTERROGATION ANTECHAMBER.

EVE  
This isn't working.

She opens the cell door.

CAROLYN  
Eve, I'm not sure-

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION CELL.

IRINA  
Who the Hell are you?

EVE  
Irina, hi. We've actually met before.

She holds out a hand, which Irina does not shake.

EVE  
I'm friends with your dad.

IRINA  
No you're not.

VILLANELLE  
Hey. Be polite.

Irina rolls her eyes.

EVE  
So. Are they treating you well? Is there anything you need?

VILLANELLE  
A colouring book, perhaps?

Beat.

EVE  
Are you eating enough?

IRINA  
Is that some kind of dig?

VILLANELLE  
No. It's not. She's nice.

Eve smiles, and Irina just about holds in a snort.

IRINA  
You are all transparent. I'm not a child.

EVE  
Oh, you want to be spoken to like an adult?

Irina imperceptibly nods.

Eve looks at Villanelle.

EVE  
We can do that. The organisation you're 'working' for is not as secret as they want you to think.

IRINA  
I know that.

EVE  
MI6 are just around the corner from pulling it all apart and when that happens, Irina, you will either be dead or in prison.

VILLANELLE  
And nobody will rescue you.

Irina stares at Eve.

She's thinking.

She leans forward.

IRINA  
You are really stupid if you believe that.

Beat.

EVE  
Okay. Alright.

She leans back, considering.

Villanelle watches her face.

EVE  
You know, you think you know everything about the world, but you are so wrong. One day, you're gonna look back and wish you'd trusted the right people.

VILLANELLE  
She's right. You're young in the head for twelve.

IRINA  
I'm fifteen!

EVE  
(genuinely surprised)  
You're fifteen?

IRINA  
Yes! Didn't you read a file or something?

VILLANELLE  
Who needs a file on you? We can read you like a book just as you are.

EVE  
Yeah. Like right now? She wants to kill us.

VILLANELLE  
Oh, for sure. The fury.

EVE  
Just, radiating.

Eve turns to Villanelle.

EVE  
How would you do it?

VILLANELLE  
Kill Irina?

EVE  
Here, in this room.

Villanelle thinks.

Irina listens.

VILLANELLE  
Do you have a pencil?

Irina snorts.

Eve pulls out a pencil from her jacket pocket.

EVE  
A pencil like this one?

VILLANELLE  
A pencil like that one.

She looks at it. Her stomach turns.

IRINA  
You are so boring.

Villanelle takes the pencil.

VILLANELLE  
There are just so many ways.

Eve takes the pencil back.

EVE  
Once, twice in the eye?

Villanelle is surprised. Eve hands her the pencil.

VILLANELLE  
Good choice. Similarly; once, straight through the trachea, grab her by the nostrils, slam her neck on the desk. The pencil will go all the way through and puncture her spinal chord.

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION ANTECHAMBER.

CAROLYN  
I really hope they're going somewhere with this.

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION CELL.

EVE  
(laughing)  
Oh, sure, just for starters. Irina, would you like to take notes?

Villanelle holds out the pencil to Irina.

IRINA  
I'm not going to be convinced by a pair of pathetic dykes.

Eve and Villanelle reel back.

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION ANTECHAMBER.

Even Carolyn is a little stunned.

INT. MI5 CANTEEN. DAY.

Eve and Villanelle are standing in the hot food queue.

EVE  
That was insane.

VILLANELLE  
I know.

EVE  
I thought Russian teens were all about the Queer underground or whatever.

VILLANELLE  
Yeah, and that haircut?

EVE  
You know, people who hold these aggressive prejudices are often expressing deep shame about some aspect of their own psyche?

VILLANELLE  
I am certain that's what's going on with her.

The trays of hot lasagne are getting closer.

VILLANELLE  
I am so glad I never had to feel shame.

EVE  
Me too.

Eve picks up trays and cutlery.

VILLANELLE  
Do you want to have sex in that cupboard?

Eve looks over at the caretaker's cupboard, forlorn.

EVE  
Yes. But we have jobs now.

The struggle is real.

VILLANELLE  
I'm going to get a Coke.

EVE  
(as she walks away)  
Get me one!

INT. HOTEL ROOM. NIGHT.

CAROLYN  
It's no Alaskan log cabin, but I'm afraid it will have to do.

Eve and Villanelle emerge into the room, Villanelle dropping their suitcases.

Villanelle collapses into an armchair.

Eve drops into her lap.

CAROLYN  
I'm sure you're eager to recreate your, sort of, dungeon-

VILLANELLE  
You seem a little obsessed with our sex life.

CAROLYN  
-but Konstantin's downstairs in the bar.

EVE  
What? Are you gonna-

CAROLYN  
Yes. I could do with buffeting, If I'm honest. Wouldn't want to- you know- shoot him.

VILLANELLE  
Of course.

EVE  
Yeah.

CAROLYN  
Thanks.

She leaves.

EVE  
Can this day get any weirder?

Villanelle shrugs, exhausted.

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR. NIGHT.

Eve and Villanelle turn a corner, holding hands and giggling.

Carolyn is standing at the door to the bar, having a sort of Carolyn-style panic attack.

CAROLYN  
Ah. Girls. Shall we?

EVE  
Are you sure you want to-

CAROLYN  
Not entirely, Eve, but needs must.

VILLANELLE  
Hey. Do you want me to shoot him?

CAROLYN  
You're very kind. But no.

VILLANELLE  
Okay, good.

They enter the bar.

Konstantin, tables away, stands and holds his arms out.

EVE  
What are we trying to get out of him?

CAROLYN  
Just let me do it.

EVE  
Carolyn.

CAROLYN  
Let me do it.

They reach the table.

KONSTANTIN  
How good to see old faces.

He sounds weak. His beard is straggly.

He reaches to embrace Carolyn.

CAROLYN  
No, thank you.

She sits. He sits, and looks up at Villanelle and Eve.

KONSTANTIN  
Villanelle.

She just stares at him.

EVE  
Konstantin.

KONSTANTIN  
Eve.

Eve and Villanelle sit, on opposite sides of the table.

CAROLYN  
Now we've got the pleasantries out of the way, what do you want?

KONSTANTIN  
My daughter, of course.

CAROLYN  
Of course.

A WAITER has come over.

KONSTANTIN  
Four more of these, please.

He raises his glass.

CAROLYN  
Make it five.

VILLANELLE  
Is someone else coming?

CAROLYN  
No.

Villanelle looks at Eve. This is likely to be a weird meeting.

VILLANELLE  
Could I please also have a glass of sparkling water?

EVE  
Do you expect MI6 to just hand Irina back to you?

He pouts.

KONSTANTIN  
I want you to know she was not working for The Twelve.

CAROLYN  
Nonsense. Jakob Jergensen and his boys were a clear next step.

KONSTANTIN  
Jakob Jergensen was with The Twelve.

Eve looks at him questioningly.

KONSTANTIN  
I met him at a party.

CAROLYN  
So our friends are not grooming Irina.

The waiter puts down six drinks, and leaves.

KONSTANTIN  
I thought it was them at first. She would take texts and go away for days at a time.

VILLANELLE  
And you let her.

KONSTANTIN  
Was I supposed to lock her in a cupboard?

VILLANELLE  
Don't talk to me.

KONSTANTIN  
I've missed you.

CAROLYN  
Thanks for the information, Konstantin, but it honestly doesn't help us much. What we need is something, some angle, to convince Irina to walk away from whoever it is who's got her.

KONSTANTIN  
This might help.

He pulls out a pink-wrapped parcel from his jacket pocket.

EVE  
What is it?

KONSTANTIN  
A gift, from her father.

VILLANELLE  
Pfft.

Carolyn has unwrapped it.

It's a plastic tiger, snarling, with sharp, white teeth.

EVE  
What's hidden inside it?

KONSTANTIN  
None of your business.

He drains his cocktail.

KONSTANTIN  
(standing)  
Now I have to go. I'm already putting myself in considerable danger to get this to you.

He gestures to the tiger now in Villanelle's hands.

He turns to Carolyn.

KONSTANTIN  
Please tell my daughter I love her.

EVE  
Fat chance.

He huffs, and rubs his chest.

CAROLYN  
I can't guarantee it.

He sniffs, gets his jacket, and walks away.

Villanelle turns to watch him go.

Carolyn exhales.

CAROLYN  
Shall we transfer outside? I'm dying for a cigarette.

EXT. HOTEL BAR OUTSIDE SEATING. NIGHT.

Carolyn sinks back into a white, cushioned outdoor sofa.

Their table is covered by an enormous, white, hanging umbrella.

On the next bend of the sofa, Villanelle sits.

She pulls a cushion onto Eve's lap and reclines into it.

Eve boops her on the nose and wraps an arm around her to caress the join between her trapezius and her neck.

Villanelle stretches into the massage.

Carolyn is staring at the tiger, mid-stride-and-growl, in the centre of the large white table.

All three of them stare at it- trying to psychically ellicit its secrets.

VILLANELLE  
He's an arsehole.

Carolyn looks at Eve and Villanelle; clocks their free hands dancing around each other by the fingers.

God, she's tired.

CAROLYN  
I suppose he's just getting on with it like the rest of us.

EVE  
A new organisation, huh?

CAROLYN  
Apparently so.

VILLANELLE  
Maybe he's lying.

CAROLYN  
I doubt it.

She lights her cigarette, and passes the box and lighter to Eve.

EVE  
And they're killing members of The Twelve. We have to ask whether that's on purpose, and they know all about The Twelve- perhaps they're trying to take them down- or whether it's pure coincidence and Jakob Jergensen was-

CAROLYN  
Oh please stop, I'm so tired.

EVE  
Sorry.

She lights a cigarette, for something to do.

CAROLYN  
When I was twenty-five, I was working undercover with the KGB- that was where I first met Dasha. Bizarre. Truly.

VILLANELLE  
Did she remind you of me?

CAROLYN  
You remind me of her.

VILLANELLE  
Pah.

Eve playfully places the cigarette in Villanelle's mouth. She takes a drag. It's disgusting.

Villanelle sits up and reaches for a cocktail. It's even more disgusting. She spits the mouthful on the ground and starts scraping at her tongue with the edge of the glass.

Carolyn chortles.

CAROLYN  
She once, in front of me, scaled an industrial scaffold. Right to the top.  
Eve has passed Villanelle the glass of water, and she's swilling it around her mouth.

VILLANELLE  
Why?

CAROLYN  
To see if the bus was coming.  
Villanelle wiggles her legs as a signal for Eve to lift and drape her own over them, which she does.

CAROLYN  
It must have been hard training. Ruthless, I'd imagine.

VILLANELLE  
Yes, but I was tough by then.

CAROLYN  
Good for you. And were you very angry, when it ended?

VILLANELLE  
You mean when she tried to kill me?

Eve flinches, concerned.

VILLANELLE  
(thinking honestly)  
I was, for a long time. I was angry about a lot of things.

EVE  
'Was'?

Villanelle nods peacefully.

VILLANELLE  
Now I'm sort of happy it all happened.

EVE  
I get it. Like, grateful.

CAROLYN  
You want to be careful with gratitude. Plays havoc on discernment.

Eve and Villanelle are both looking at Carolyn, the shapes of the words floating into their ears, but behind their eyes it's only each other's faces.

Carolyn smiles.

She points to the tiger, and they snap out of it.

CAROLYN  
What do you suppose it is?

Villanelle picks it up, turning it round. She looks at its teeth, copies its snarl.

VILLANELLE  
Computer codes?

EVE  
Maybe it's a clue to some password? Whatever it is, let's hope it works. Then we can get this show on the road.

Carolyn looks at the sky.

VILLANELLE  
What's your favourite memory? Out of all of them.

CAROLYN  
It's hard to say. Looking back, it all becomes a little jumbled. It's been a long life, and an absurdly short one, filled with unbounded joy and deafening heartache.

EVE  
You sound like you're writing your own eulogy.

CAROLYN  
I wouldn't mind, to be honest, at this point. Sort of lost the plot of it all.

Eve watches Villanelle turning the tiger around in her hands.

CAROLYN  
But to love. Really, one last good love. I wouldn't take that for granted. It is worth holding onto, all this stuff.

She gestures to Eve's legs draped over Villanelle's, and her hand absently massaging the other trapezius.

CAROLYN  
Still.

She hauls herself off the sofa, stubbing out the cigarette.

CAROLYN  
The show must go on.

She picks up her cigarettes and stashes them away.

CAROLYN  
I'll get Tony here to our little troublemaker, see if it sparks any oomph. Try to get some sleep, the pair of you. Or not. Whatever works.

EVE  
Bye.

Carolyn is gone.

VILLANELLE  
She is so sad.

EVE  
What do we do when Dasha comes to kill us?

VILLANELLE  
I'll protect you if you protect me.

Eve absorbs the seriousness of the suggestion.

EVE  
Deal.

INT. MI6 INTERROGATION CELL. NIGHT.

Irina is sat at the metal desk, rubbing her eyes, when Carolyn walks in and plonks the plastic tiger on the table.

CAROLYN  
This is from your father.

Irina picks up the tiger, and looks into its face.

The cogs whirr.

INT. MI6. MORNING.

Eve and Villanelle wander in holding coffees.

Carolyn is conferencing with three AGENTS, who are scribbling in folders and making phonecalls.

She nods and they disperse, as Eve and Villanelle reach her.

CAROLYN  
It's worked. We're moving her now.

INT. MI6. DAY.

Carolyn, Eve and Villanelle are making their way down some crowded stairs and through the main lobby of MI6.

EVE  
Is this safe?

VILLANELLE  
I have a tummyache.

CAROLYN  
The location is quite secure, it's about getting there first.

Eve and Villanelle look at each other.

Eve drains her coffee and chucks the cup into a passing bin.

CAROLYN  
With any luck we'll be through this and drinking margaritas by moonlight.

EVE  
Luck.

CAROLYN  
Are you a religious woman, Eve? I've never asked.

EVE  
Not particularly.

They break through the doors, and walk into the cloudy day.

EXT. MI6. DAY.

CAROLYN  
Shame. Reckon we could do with a prayer or two.

INT. CAR. DAY.

Tense, they follow a bulletproof van down the motorway.

Villanelle is all coiled like a nervous cat, watching the passing cars.

Eve takes her hand, and looks at the agent in the front seat.

His gun is ready in his hand.

Carolyn is asleep, with earphones in and some orchestral movement booming into her ears.

The driver's eyes are fixed and alert.

The sound of walkie-talkies stuttering.

EXT. SAFEHOUSE. NIGHT.

The van and the car take a corner and go down a dirt track emerging into a field containing nothing but a large concrete block lit by orange floodlights.

INT. CAR. NIGHT.

Carolyn breathes.

CAROLYN  
Now for the tricky part.

EXT. SAFEHOUSE. NIGHT.

Irina is let out of the van, swinging her backpack.

She's clinging to a facade of youthful arrogance, which cracks when she sees Villanelle watching her with uncharacteristic concern.

Immediately she is swamped by six armed guards who carry her in their swarm to the thick metal door of the safehouse.

EVE  
How long will she have to stay here?

Carolyn looks at Villanelle, then at Eve.

CAROLYN  
Until we work out what to do next.

INT. SAFEHOUSE. NIGHT.

Inside, things are much more comfortable.

The furniture is seventies, lots of teak and upholstery.

It's deliberately calming.

Irina is clearly uncomfortable in it.

Eve goes to her.

EVE  
Are you alright?

She shrugs.

Eve catches a passing agent.

EVE  
Would you mind putting the kettle on?

AGENT  
I'm a bit busy, actually.

Carolyn has approached, and nods to the agent to put the kettle on.

He rolls his eyes and walks away.

AGENT  
Certainly.

Irina looks at the six guards. Their guns. Their helmets.

IRINA  
Is this all for me?

VILLANELLE  
Don't get excited.

EVE  
Do you need anything?

CAROLYN  
She'll be fine. I, on the other hand, am desperate for the toilet.

She wanders off.

VILLANELLE  
What made you change your mind?

Irina opens her mouth to speak, when the agent returns with four cups of tea.

AGENT  
Did anyone see where Carolyn went?

EVE  
That was quick. She's in the loo. Why?

AGENT  
We've had some new information.  
Eve leads him away from Villanelle and Irina.

Villanelle pats Irina on the shoulder.

It's uncomfortable. Neither of them likes it at all.

Eve sips her tea as she settles into listening.

AGENT  
It's about Vasilieva's recent history.

EVE  
Irina.

AGENT  
Okay. Well, four months ago she was busted out of a Juvenile Detention Centre in Russia.

EVE  
Wow.

AGENT  
Yeah. And it was messy as f-. There was a lot of damage.

He opens an email attachment on his phone.

Eve takes the phone.

It's a series of photos of the hallway at the Detention Centre, with bodies and rubble and blood all over the floor.

AGENT  
Twenty kids escaped and, from the looks of it, a bunch of them haven't been seen since.

EVE  
Wow. Yeah. We should get this to Carolyn.

AGENT  
(sarcastic)  
Oh, do you think so?

Eve raises an eyebrow.

AGENT  
Sorry. It's been a really stressful few days.

The entire back wall explodes and half the room is filled with chaos and smoke.

The sprinklers go off.

The agent talking to Eve is shot in the head and drops to the floor.

Twenty figures flow through the hole in the wall, all in black with their faces covered, holding large and assertive weapons of a huge variety- different kinds of blades; swords, machetes, scimitars, and guns, so many massive guns.

One figure marches through the throng and stands on the coffee table in the centre of the room.

It's all over in seconds. The MI6 guards are all dead on the floor in pools of blood.

The figure on the table yells incoherently, and all the figures stop, turning to the centre.

The figure is looking directly at Villanelle.

They lift their balaclava.

CHARLIE  
Oksana?

Eve clenches ready to jump in front of a bullet or something.

The figure laughs.

Villanelle studies their face. Something clicks.

VILLANELLE  
Lara?

They both laugh.

Eve's eyes widen.

Irina looks back and forth between Villanelle and the figure.

CHARLIE  
Not Lara anymore. Charlie.

Villanelle laughs.

She points to herself.

VILLANELLE  
Villanelle.

They laugh.

Eve is about to cry.

Charlie takes in Villanelle, so much more beautiful than she used to be.

The soldiers begin to lift their masks, to see better.

Eve is horrified. They're all kids.

Kids. Kitted out in automatic rifles and comic-book blades.

Villanelle sees it too. She glances at Eve.

Charlie follows her gaze.

CHARLIE  
Who's this?

VILLANELLE  
Eve.

Eve makes her wary way over to Villanelle's side.

CHARLIE  
Hm.

They pull down their balaclava. Instantly, so do the kids.

CHARLIE  
Well. We're leaving.

Irina walks forward, following.

Villanelle watches her. She grabs Eve's wrist.

Eve feels a jolt of tragedy, watching Irina go.

Charlie turns back around, and lifts their balaclava.

CHARLIE  
Do you want to come?

Irina looks at Villanelle.

Villanelle thinks.

She shrugs, nonchalant.

VILLANELLE  
Okay.

EVE  
What?

Charlie smiles, and like a sweeping shadow, they and their army of children are leaking out of the back wall.

Following, Villanelle holds Eve's hand as she steps over the rubble into the night.

EXT. SAFEHOUSE. NIGHT.

EVE  
What the shit is going on?

VILLANELLE  
We're going with Charlie.

EVE  
Why?

Villanelle shrugs, and leads Eve to a van, which the shadow children are filing into.

Charlie holds the van door open for Villanelle.

As Eve follows her in, she locks eyes with Charlie.

Charlie winks at Eve.

INT. SAFEHOUSE. NIGHT.

Carolyn re-enters the room, pulling out her earbuds and surveying the wreckage in abject horror.

She looks at the face of a man on the ground, still dying.

She throws up her arms, exhasperated.

EXT. CITY STREET. NIGHT.

Wrapping up against the cold night, Konstantin wends his way down an empty street.

From down a side alley, he hears a scuffle and bins knocked.

He stops.

Listens.

KONSTANTIN  
Nope.

He turns and walks back.

Footsteps behind him.

He speeds up.

So do the footsteps.

He's running.

A pair of arms grabs him, and another pair throws a black bag over his head.

KONSTANTIN  
No!

INT. HOTEL ROOM. NIGHT.

Konstantin is thrown to his knees by two BODYGUARDS.

A very big woman is standing over him. Taller than Konstantin, standing, with mad ginger hair and red, red lipstick. MAGDA.

KONSTANTIN  
Who are you? Take this off. Take it off, I'll give you what you want.

She nods to one of the bodyguards and they pull off his bag.

KONSTANTIN  
Hah. Oh, Magda. Moya zhizn.

She leans close. Strokes his beard.

Pulls a hair out.

KONSTANTIN  
Argh!

MAGDA  
(in Russian)  
Oh, Konsta. You should have prayed to God I wouldn't find you.

INT. VAN. NIGHT.

The back seats of the van- two benches running along the opposite walls- are packed tight with shadow children; Eve and Villanelle squeezed into a corner.

Irina is being welcomed with pats on the back and cheers.

The kids are removing their weapons.

In the front seat, Charlie is driving.

CHARLIE  
Everybody got their passports for the border?

CHORUS OF KIDS  
Da, ya, yes, yes Charlie.

Charlie holds a passport out over the seat.

CHARLIE  
Irina, krasotka, a new one for you. You are 'Simone' now.

Irina grimaces to a blonde girl next to her, TANYA.

A boy at the front takes Irina's passport and passes it back.

CHARLIE  
(in Russian)  
Dmitri, clear a space in the hole for my friend and her woman.

DMITRI, a greasy-haired 16-year-old, nods.

Balancing in the sway of the moving vehicle, he pulls up a plank of wood and wrenches open a secret trapdoor.

Inside the hole is a space about a foot deep. Not very wide.

The kids all dump their weapons into it.

Dmitri shifts them to the sides, clearing a very modest gap.

He points to it. Looks at Villanelle.

DMITRI  
(in Russian)  
When the time comes, you will get in.

EVE  
Cosy.

VILLANELLE  
(to Charlie)  
Where are we going?

TANYA  
To the Castle.

DMITRI  
(in Russian)  
The Castle of Shadows.

Villanelle laughs.

A really young boy, ALEKSANDER, glares at her.

ALEKSANDER  
(in Russian)  
You should be more afraid of us. We are the Winged Serpents of Death.

He stares at Eve.

She stares back.

EVE  
(to Villanelle)  
What did he say?

The van jolts as Charlie changes lanes suddenly.

VILLANELLE  
Children. They are ruthless.

EXT. A258. NIGHT.

Passing strobily under the road lamps, the van zooms off.


End file.
